Don't Call Me Daughter - they're playing our song ....

I've always identified with what I think and imagine are the lyrics of this song. (It's Eddie).

The point is, I've never felt like a daughter to my mother. As much as I'm sure she's never felt like my mother. This is not a disparaging or judging thing, it's just a fact of life thing.

My mother, who lay in hospital at this moment, a 70+ year smoker, has - as she'll be the first to tell you - "never loved anyone. only plants and animals."

And that's okay. 

There's three of us kids - two brothers, 12 and 8 years older - who've so much more history - loaded and fraught with '60s and '70s parenting myths, truisms and realities. The perfect results of the mother who smoked for 30+ years and the parents who set expectations extremely low for all marriages moving forward - following the example of their own distraught, despondent and dysfunctional parents. That's another few stories for another few books, long after I've outlived this ....

As usual - and only a very select (consider yourselves special) few will get this - most folks cannot possibly imagine the world in which we grew up. "You're exaggerating." "Nothing could be that bad." "Your mom's fine." 

Nope. Not even close. 

When ya get it ya get it. I hope you don't get it. But if you do, you do. 

One of my best friends and I often commiserate, as we are frequently on the receiving end of, "Oh, nothing could be that bad. My mom and I go get manicures all the time." "My Mom's my best friend."

Look, I absolutely love my mother. I have been taking care of her since I was - 4? I pay her rent, I take her to the doctor, I buy her cat food.